Thursday, August 13, 2009

Feeling the pressure

This whole fundraiser is extremely humbling. Though I must not see it from a I-am-begging-for-money-to-go-to-school perspective, sometimes is just hard not to see it that way.

These damn budget cuts and fee increases have me freaking out. I can feel the pressure. The days seem to be running by extremely fast. August 31st is soon approaching and I've yet to come up with the cash to pay for school.

Though the fundraiser is a good idea, it's still very frustraiting that I have to do this. I don't qualify for financial aid, so I must go out of my way to figure out how the fuck I'm going to pay for this. Can you feel the anger in my words?

Then I calm down. I look back at the things I've accomplished and I give myself a pat in the back. Then I feel like a narcisit and I start to bring myself down again. Sometimes I think I'm depressed. Sometimes I think I'm just over analyzing shit. Other times I stay in bed and don't want to wake up and face the problems.

But if I didn't have it this hard, maybe I wouldn't appreciate things the way I do. It's easy to take things for granted when they are handed to you. Without much work. Without much worth.

I know I'm rambling here, but I was about to have a nervous break down. I'll try not to think about the situation much and focus on the fundraiser. My mind is going tick, tock, tick, tock. Fuck it. I must get up and move then.

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